It finally happened. Ever since the bout with Listeria my memory has been a bit off. When it first happened it was really off. I couldn't remember anything from one day to the next. It really hit home one afternoon when The Misses began saying how amazing (I may be embellishing just a bit) the night before was. I had no idea what she was talking about. Now my memory isn't that bad, but it still isn't what it was before I got sick.
The VA set up an appointment with a Neuro Psychologist for a memory test. They are trying to determine how much memory loss occurred because of the Listeria. Depending on how much memory loss occurred the VA may provide me with compensation.
The test started more like an interview. He asked me about my grades and life in high school and college. Luckily he didn't ask for the transcripts from college. It was much easier to tell how much better I did in the military when I figured out what I could do with a little discipline. Then he started to ask me random questions. "Where is the Sahara Desert? Who was Martin Luther King Jr? At what temperature does water boil?" I knew all of them but "Who was president during the civil war?" For some reason I was thinking revolutionary war. Anyways I was wrong.
Then the Memory Olympics began. He started out by reading me a paragraph. All I had to do was listen and repeat back what I heard. Sounds easy right? As he began I really tried paying attention, by the third sentence I couldn't even remember the lady's name the paragraph was about. There was so much information in such a short paragraph. Needless to say I didn't do well. Luckily I got to hear it two more times. Each time I remembered a bit more. Right after in the same voice he read me another paragraph one time. It really threw me off, I couldn't remember a thing. Maybe I got the guys name and something about a storm that would bring temperatures down 15 degrees. I don't know. I looked at him with a blank stare and he said "Okay, lets move on."
I think next he gave me a design on a piece of paper. There were lines all over the page forming different shapes. During this one, all I had to do was copy what I saw. Not a problem. After having a great High School Art Teacher, I nailed it. He quickly grabbed both pieces of paper and put a book in front of me. Now I had to just look at pictures and tell him what was wrong with them. It started out simple. A door without a door knob. A fence without a post. But after twenty-five or thirty I couldn't see anything wrong with them. All he said was "Okay" as he wrote something in his notes. Whatever confidence I had from the picture I drew was gone.
The next event in this two hour Memory Olympics was a list of twenty words that he went over four times. After he finished each time I had to tell him what words I remembered. It was amazing as he was saying the words on right after another I got hung up on a word and would miss three or four. I would realise I was missing them so panic set in. I tried to listen more carefully. I couldn't remember many. Each time was a bit better, but never great. Immediately after he read me a different list and I had to remember them. All I could think about was Horse, Moon, Parent, Spoon the last four words from the previous list. He just sat there looking at me as I stared out the window trying to remember anything. As soon as he knew I was finished he pulled a piece of paper out with fifty or sixty words on it. Some from the first list, some from the second and just a bunch of random words. Come to think of it they were all random. He asked me to circle the words just from the first list. I could recognise a few, but I am sure I missed a bunch.
There were a few more events like these. He then handed me a blank paper and asked me to draw the design from earlier, you remember the one I nailed. I got the outline of the design and a few of the lines in the middle and I was lost. I was sick of looking up at him with this worthless feeling. He took the paper from me and handed me four pages. On them were numbers with objects next to them. I could tell some of the objects made up the design I just tried to draw. He asked me to circle the numbers of the objects that were from the design. By page four I realised I was circling the object and not the number. I began wondering if I screwed that one up too. There was so many shapes that they all started to look like they might be able to work. He took the paper and said only a few more.
Now he wanted me for sixty seconds to list all the words I could think of that started with the letter "A". The only words I couldn't use were proper names or pronouns. "Go" he said as he pushed the button on the stop watch. I know your thinking easy, right? You try it. Easy at first, like all his test. I started with "Apple, Art, Army..."The first thirty seconds were easy. Then "Ass" popped in my head. "No don't say ass! No don't say Ass. Ass Hole! no no something else" I couldn't get it out of my head, "Um," I uttered "Ant, Aunt". "Ass hole, Anal no no no." finally I heard the stop watch beep. "Okay now the letter F". Good hell what is he doing to me. You can imagine the first word that popped in my head.
He finally said "Okay, know tell me everything you remember from the first paragraph I read to you. I'll give you a hint it was about a lady." I'm sure I looked at him like a deer in the head lights. "Ummmmm, Something about her being a lunch lady....." I could remember a few things, but not much. "Okay, and the second paragraph, it was about a guy". I could remember very little.
Once I was finally finished he told me that he had to go over all the information. But from giving these test for as long as he had, he was fairly certain they would come back that I did in fact have some memory issues. He explained that he would take the results of my test and compare them nationally to people my age and see how I did. He also told me another comparison he would do, but wouldn't you know I don't remember it. He mentioned that there are some real issues in my short term memory, as well as in my concentration which was related to the memory functions of the brain.
We began to talk about my memory and how it may be as good as it was going to get. He really didn't know. I may be on a plateau, and as my brain continues to heal it could get better. But this may well be as good as it gets. I asked him about going back to school. He really didn't think it would be a good idea right now. He recommended I wait another couple of years to see if my memory does improve. If I don't wait and try now he felt I would have a very hard time with it.
So there it is, I may in fact have memory issues. I do what I can to compensate for them. I take a lot of notes with most any task I do. I really try not to have any "serious" conversations late at night. I'm just very grateful I have a wonderful and very understanding wife. I will always remember when told how wonderful last night was. Answer it with "Yeah, I really nailed it!"
Wednesday, January 21, 2009
Sunday, January 4, 2009
Letter from Iraq- 4 Jan 08
The Rainy Season…
So in my mind prior to coming to Iraq, I imagined that Iraq was a desert; lots of sand, no plants, the ground just thirsty for water. So exactly how Kuwait was. Some parts of southern Iraq are like this. Baghdad is not one of them. December and January are known as the rainy season. The mornings are brisk, but the days are quite pleasant. Actually the weather this time of year is quite perfect. It’s only rained twice but when it does, MUD!
So in my mind prior to coming to Iraq, I imagined that Iraq was a desert; lots of sand, no plants, the ground just thirsty for water. So exactly how Kuwait was. Some parts of southern Iraq are like this. Baghdad is not one of them. December and January are known as the rainy season. The mornings are brisk, but the days are quite pleasant. Actually the weather this time of year is quite perfect. It’s only rained twice but when it does, MUD!

And it sticks around forever! No pun intended. It’s been over a week and some of these puddles are still here.
All I can say is, I miss the snow. Love and miss you guys. Hope you’re all doing well.
Love, The Misses
P.S. So since I wrote this. The last couple days here have gotten cold. Especially in the morning, I can’t imagine being a gunner driving on patrols. I am lucky I get to work in doors for the most part. Cause burr. Who would have ever thought Iraq gets cold.
Friday, December 26, 2008
Answered Questions
1. Hip feels good. Actually there hasn't been any pain in the hip. The pain is in my thigh where they did all the cutting. I am up and about on one crutch. I am still at my parents. I had thought I would only be there a few days. I just didn't expect to be in so much pain.
2. Christmas was as good as could be expected. The highlight was the web cam and chatting with The Misses. It took forever for enough people to get off line over there for her web cam to work. But once it did I was able to see my beautiful wife smiling, crying, laughing and just being her wonderful self. It was by far the best present I could have received.
3. The Misses got moved okay. The reason you haven't seen any letters is she has been so busy working 14 or more hours a day. She was able to enjoy Christmas, but I will leave it up to her to tell you all about it. I am just thankful she got moved without an incident. I am so thankful she doesn't go outside the wire much.
4. It was The Misses roommate that walked in on us. I don't know how much she saw, but I am glad she understood and they had a good laugh about it.
2. Christmas was as good as could be expected. The highlight was the web cam and chatting with The Misses. It took forever for enough people to get off line over there for her web cam to work. But once it did I was able to see my beautiful wife smiling, crying, laughing and just being her wonderful self. It was by far the best present I could have received.
3. The Misses got moved okay. The reason you haven't seen any letters is she has been so busy working 14 or more hours a day. She was able to enjoy Christmas, but I will leave it up to her to tell you all about it. I am just thankful she got moved without an incident. I am so thankful she doesn't go outside the wire much.
4. It was The Misses roommate that walked in on us. I don't know how much she saw, but I am glad she understood and they had a good laugh about it.
Monday, December 15, 2008
Medieval Torture Device
So tomorrow is another day in the adventure of Mark and his attempt to leave this earth with less parts or now better parts then he came with. To be honest I am not so worried about the fact they are cutting into my groin, dislocating my leg, cutting the top 3 or so inches off my femur, drilling down the femur so a titanium piece can be be pounded into place this will act like my old femur head, a large drill bit will be inserted in my hip and bone will be ground away so a titanium cup can be put in, and finally they will shove the two pieces back together and I will have my new hip. Nope none of that scares me. Certainly a little anesthesia and the potential side effect don't faze me anymore.
What scares the shit out of me is this....
Notice in this nice picture the lady is wearing some yellow tight outfit of some sort. Me, all I will have is my birthday suit on. The first time I saw this I was sitting in a class the surgeons office holds every month to teach those that are about to go through this what to expect. As I sat in the classroom it was easy to see I was the youngest person by about....oh I don't know...30 maybe 35 years. The teacher actual told the lady sitting next to me that it was nice her great grandchild was there to learn what she was going to be going through. When she got to this picture in the slide show, everyone gasped. "Now don't worry" she explains. "I always ask everyone if they remember getting on the table and none of them do." Well, that is good to know.
But all this has reminded me I better get going. I need to go do a little "manicuring". I haven't been with The Misses in so long it is a little scary down there...
Oh,and wait until I am all messed up on pain meds. I will tell you all the story of how The Misses and I were caught having a little Web Cam Sex.
What scares the shit out of me is this....

But all this has reminded me I better get going. I need to go do a little "manicuring". I haven't been with The Misses in so long it is a little scary down there...
Oh,and wait until I am all messed up on pain meds. I will tell you all the story of how The Misses and I were caught having a little Web Cam Sex.
Saturday, November 29, 2008
Our "I'm Thankful" Moment
Every year around the Thanksgiving dinner table, if you are with The Misses family you are required to tell everyone what you are thankful for. I sent The Misses an email and explained how it went for me…..
So my "I’m thankful" moment didn't turn out like I had planned. I started with "I have never been more thankful for the internet and the telephone”..... Silence...I was so over come with emotion that I couldn't speak. Tears just rolled down my face and I buried my face in a napkin. I don’t know how long I stayed like that, but it felt like forever. I finally was able to spit out "This is so hard without her. I didn’t think it would be this hard”..... More silence and sobbing. I think I managed to thank your Mom and Dad for their support, but then I was done. I just couldn't stop crying.
Sitting next to me was TP. When she started into you being thankful for me I couldn’t hold it back again. I guess you have worn off on me. Shit I am crying here again. I could hear all of your family sobbing too. Your Aunt Lavern softly said "how precious". I really don’t think there was a dry eye in the place.
The Misses got off easy (if you can call eating a turkey dinner in a combat zone easy). She had pre written something and had her sister TP read it…..
Hey Everyone,
Happy Thanksgiving!!! I truly hope all of you are doing well. I wish I could be there but since I am unable to, I thought I would write and let you all know what I am thankful for this year. I have also attached some pics of my Thanksgiving meal in the chow hall here. SSG Rose Ledford was my date and we had a great dinner. Of course it was no home cooked meal, but it was good. As for what I am thankful for, prepare yourself, my list is long. This is truly a list of what I am grateful for and why. We are all so blessed with so many small things we forget what they are until we don’t have them anymore. So in no particular order, here is my list: drum roll please,
1. Sidewalks. Walking in sand, dirt, and/or rocks all day everyday gets really old. Especially when you have weak ankles.
2. Street Lamps. Yep walking on previously stated terrain is not any easier at night, in the dark.
3. Telephones, yep the old fashion kind that actually are connected to a cord in your house. Mine are ½ a mile away that you can only get to by walking on previously stated terrain. Refer to number 1.
4. Cell phones. Need I say more?
5. Fly swatters, fly sticky strips, or anything that can help get rid of all these slow flying kamikaze flies. I swear, you swat one and 10 of his buddies show up.
6. A chow hall, food already prepared and ready to eat. Much easier to eat healthy when you don’t have to think about it.
7. A chow hall that is 0.7 miles away. Yep I have to walk that far to eat. I’m thankful for it though because when I do eat, I’m already burning those calories before and after. However with that said, I give you number…
8. A kitchen that is attached to my living space. A fridge, stove and all the food right there not 10 feet from me. The walking does get old, quick. Again, refer to number 1.
9. Free Gyms and exercise classes. I think the government should put that on the table to help keep Americans healthy. I know it helps me.
10. Internet, and email. Being able to keep in touch with family and friends more frequently and more often than snail mail. This is truly priceless.
11. High Speed Internet, we are truly spoiled with that. The stuff out here is slow…
12. Letters, as slow as snail mail is. There is nothing like seeing that someone took the time to actually write you a letter. To see their handwriting. With this said I need to apologize to my brother Greg that I didn’t do a better job of this for him. I hope he will forgive me.
13. A bathroom connected to your room, no wait a bathroom connected to your house. Let’s just say I have TBS (tiny bladder syndrome) and having to get up and use the bathroom some 30 feet away outside through a maze of buildings 1-2 times a night, does not help with a good night sleep. Oh and yet again please refer to number 1.
14. Porta Jons, yep I am thankful for them. Right now I wish there was one right outside my room. They are everywhere else, why can’t they put one there?
15. Long, hot, showers by yourself. Yep, I like them but here, no such thing. One, everyone else is taking a shower with you. Two, we are in a desert and we get to take “combat showers.” Example: step 1, water on, rinse. Step 2, water off, wash. Step 3, water on, rinse. The End. Oh, and by step 3, hot water is gone.
16. A bath. Again, need I say more?
The truth is, it’s really not that bad over here. I know my set up could be much worse. I have a comfortable room and bed with a very nice roommate, Rose Ledford who I am sharing this experience with. I am learning and experiencing things I never have before so how could I not be thankful for my life. So now for the “cheesy” stuff. I am thankful for a country that allows us to choose what we believe and who we want to represent us. During this historical election year I have listened to Soldiers who all wear the same uniform and yet have very different beliefs on who they wanted to be their Commander in Chief. How lucky are we that is even possible, that they, that we, have a right to choose who our boss is. As a nation we are truly blessed for the opportunities we have and what this country has to offer. I want to thank every Soldier and their families. I am thankful for them and their sacrifice. Both truly do sacrifice for a Soldier’s service. The Mr. and I now actually know what that sacrifice is. I am mostly thankful for my family. I have parents both birth and in-laws who love me and care for me very much. I know that any of my family; all of my 4 sisters and 5 brothers would do anything for me. I am thankful for extended family that actually enjoy each other’s company at the holidays and get together to celebrate. I am also thankful for friends. You know who you are. We too have been through so much together and I appreciate all you have done to be there for the Mr. and I, especially during these last couple years.
The number one thing, no person I am thankful for is my dear Husband. I want you all to know that I know, I am so lucky to have him. He is my support, he is my rock, and he is my world. I would not be able to be here and do what I do if it wasn’t for him taking care of me and our life at home. We stay in contact everyday in some form or fashion, and this helps us to stay close. I am truly thankful that he is not only willing, but wants to do the work it takes to stay close while we are so far apart. There are not many men in this world willing to make such a sacrifice as he. If you haven’t heard about the next obstacle he faces; it's a Total hip replacement at the ripe young age of 31. This is due to side effects of medications he was on for Ulcerative Colitis. Yet, when I call him and ask how his day is going he’ll tell me “Oh busy, so and so called in sick, but I’m fine.” I say “Really, do they have a broken hip?” He is the strongest person I know both physically and mentally. What he has been though in his life inspires me every day to just keep on going. To push through to the end. Mark, I love you with every fiber in my body. I am thankful that you are you. There is no one I would rather spend forever with. I can’t wait for my leave when I get to see you and hold you in June and celebrate our 2nd Wedding Anniversary and our 6th year together as a couple. I also can’t wait for the 325 days from today to go by. When I will officially be off orders and back home to you for good.
Thank you to all of you who have loved and supported me so far on this deployment. I have felt all of your thoughts and prayers. I love you all and miss you very much. I am so thankful and blessed to a member of your family. I truly wish I could be there and I am so thankful for all you in my life. Take care and have a great Thanksgiving meal. Give everyone a hug and a kiss for me.
Love you all, The Misses
So my "I’m thankful" moment didn't turn out like I had planned. I started with "I have never been more thankful for the internet and the telephone”..... Silence...I was so over come with emotion that I couldn't speak. Tears just rolled down my face and I buried my face in a napkin. I don’t know how long I stayed like that, but it felt like forever. I finally was able to spit out "This is so hard without her. I didn’t think it would be this hard”..... More silence and sobbing. I think I managed to thank your Mom and Dad for their support, but then I was done. I just couldn't stop crying.
Sitting next to me was TP. When she started into you being thankful for me I couldn’t hold it back again. I guess you have worn off on me. Shit I am crying here again. I could hear all of your family sobbing too. Your Aunt Lavern softly said "how precious". I really don’t think there was a dry eye in the place.
The Misses got off easy (if you can call eating a turkey dinner in a combat zone easy). She had pre written something and had her sister TP read it…..
Hey Everyone,
Happy Thanksgiving!!! I truly hope all of you are doing well. I wish I could be there but since I am unable to, I thought I would write and let you all know what I am thankful for this year. I have also attached some pics of my Thanksgiving meal in the chow hall here. SSG Rose Ledford was my date and we had a great dinner. Of course it was no home cooked meal, but it was good. As for what I am thankful for, prepare yourself, my list is long. This is truly a list of what I am grateful for and why. We are all so blessed with so many small things we forget what they are until we don’t have them anymore. So in no particular order, here is my list: drum roll please,
1. Sidewalks. Walking in sand, dirt, and/or rocks all day everyday gets really old. Especially when you have weak ankles.
2. Street Lamps. Yep walking on previously stated terrain is not any easier at night, in the dark.
3. Telephones, yep the old fashion kind that actually are connected to a cord in your house. Mine are ½ a mile away that you can only get to by walking on previously stated terrain. Refer to number 1.
4. Cell phones. Need I say more?
5. Fly swatters, fly sticky strips, or anything that can help get rid of all these slow flying kamikaze flies. I swear, you swat one and 10 of his buddies show up.
6. A chow hall, food already prepared and ready to eat. Much easier to eat healthy when you don’t have to think about it.
7. A chow hall that is 0.7 miles away. Yep I have to walk that far to eat. I’m thankful for it though because when I do eat, I’m already burning those calories before and after. However with that said, I give you number…
9. Free Gyms and exercise classes. I think the government should put that on the table to help keep Americans healthy. I know it helps me.
10. Internet, and email. Being able to keep in touch with family and friends more frequently and more often than snail mail. This is truly priceless.
11. High Speed Internet, we are truly spoiled with that. The stuff out here is slow…
12. Letters, as slow as snail mail is. There is nothing like seeing that someone took the time to actually write you a letter. To see their handwriting. With this said I need to apologize to my brother Greg that I didn’t do a better job of this for him. I hope he will forgive me.
13. A bathroom connected to your room, no wait a bathroom connected to your house. Let’s just say I have TBS (tiny bladder syndrome) and having to get up and use the bathroom some 30 feet away outside through a maze of buildings 1-2 times a night, does not help with a good night sleep. Oh and yet again please refer to number 1.
14. Porta Jons, yep I am thankful for them. Right now I wish there was one right outside my room. They are everywhere else, why can’t they put one there?
15. Long, hot, showers by yourself. Yep, I like them but here, no such thing. One, everyone else is taking a shower with you. Two, we are in a desert and we get to take “combat showers.” Example: step 1, water on, rinse. Step 2, water off, wash. Step 3, water on, rinse. The End. Oh, and by step 3, hot water is gone.
16. A bath. Again, need I say more?

The number one thing, no person I am thankful for is my dear Husband. I want you all to know that I know, I am so lucky to have him. He is my support, he is my rock, and he is my world. I would not be able to be here and do what I do if it wasn’t for him taking care of me and our life at home. We stay in contact everyday in some form or fashion, and this helps us to stay close. I am truly thankful that he is not only willing, but wants to do the work it takes to stay close while we are so far apart. There are not many men in this world willing to make such a sacrifice as he. If you haven’t heard about the next obstacle he faces; it's a Total hip replacement at the ripe young age of 31. This is due to side effects of medications he was on for Ulcerative Colitis. Yet, when I call him and ask how his day is going he’ll tell me “Oh busy, so and so called in sick, but I’m fine.” I say “Really, do they have a broken hip?” He is the strongest person I know both physically and mentally. What he has been though in his life inspires me every day to just keep on going. To push through to the end. Mark, I love you with every fiber in my body. I am thankful that you are you. There is no one I would rather spend forever with. I can’t wait for my leave when I get to see you and hold you in June and celebrate our 2nd Wedding Anniversary and our 6th year together as a couple. I also can’t wait for the 325 days from today to go by. When I will officially be off orders and back home to you for good.
Thank you to all of you who have loved and supported me so far on this deployment. I have felt all of your thoughts and prayers. I love you all and miss you very much. I am so thankful and blessed to a member of your family. I truly wish I could be there and I am so thankful for all you in my life. Take care and have a great Thanksgiving meal. Give everyone a hug and a kiss for me.
Love you all, The Misses

Friday, November 21, 2008
Letter From Iraq- 21 Nov, 08
Well, now I am in Camp Liberty, Iraq. Well that is where I sleep but I work on Camp Cropper. Don’t worry; I don’t have to convoy everyday to and from work. I do have to commute however. It is decent distance and a drive over bumpy roads. So you can’t really sleep to well. I can’t talk much about where I work and you won’t get to see a lot of pictures from their either but I can show you pictures of where I live. I won’t call it home sweet home because home is where The Mr. is, but here it is in all its glory…
During the Day
Yes, this is the bathroom and the décor is braded mop heads and bath loufas. I think they are ones people leave in the shower. It was pretty overwhelming the first time I walked in. It’s not too bad though, I really can’t complain. The water is usually warm for showers. That’s what’s most important. I think the cleaning lady is the one who is the decorator.
Pad 10


At Night
Yes it really is that dark outside when you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.
Yes it really is that dark outside when you have to go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.


Letter From Iraq- 21 Nov, 08 Cont..



We took a tour the 2nd day we were here of the complex however, I do not live by this building. It isn’t finished and it’s not going to be. The former dictator started building it after Desert Storm 1.

Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)