“Oh look at the pretty snow, the pretty mountains; I wonder how cold it is, squirrel….TREE!

What a great weekend. Our friends Rich (aka Alice) and his wife Sarah (aka Speed Racer) invited me and The Misses (aka Speed Racer II) to spend a long super bowl weekend in West Yellowstone. The weekend started out with some could be horrific accidents, but turned out to be a whole lot of fun.

We arrived in West Yellowstone around 5 on Friday afternoon. We had loaded up the trailer with food, snow mobiles, and a lot of warm clothes. However, one missing item was beer (oh yah, and meat). We decided to unload the sleds and ride them to the small ass grocery store. I hadn’t been on a sled since I was very young on Aunt Diane’s farm. I was a little nervous but more excited to get out and go. The Misses had never been on one. It was a little dark but the ride there went off without a hitch. On the way back we made it to the hotel when someone went flying past us on a sled. I didn’t think much of it, but Alice was a little pissed. He knew it was his innocent little wife. We all met up at the trailer except for Sarah. After a minute Alice drove away a little more pissed. He thought she had gotten a ticket or broke down while dinking around. The Misses and I heard his sled stop and turn off right by the entrance to the Hotel. Once we saw him running our hearts dropped and we took off. As I arrived Sarah (Speed Racer) was doubled over on her sled, her helmet was twenty feet away. The Misses ran up and started assessing. She couldn’t move her leg, and had a bloody nose. She had no idea what happened. The Misses deduced that a trip to the hospital was not necessary and Alice drove her to the front entrance of the Hotel. The Misses took her up to the room and started doctoring her up.

Alice came back to Speed Racers sled and we tried and tried to get the damn thing started. Years before the Kill switch had broken off, but still worked because it couldn’t be pushed down to engage it. Unfortunately for us there was snow packed into the little hole and had engaged the switch. Three hours later in the cold dark of night Alice figured out how to get the wires out and we got the thing running. In that time we decided Speed Racer must have in fact, rolled the sled. The windshield was cracked and the snow that was in the switch couldn’t have gotten there any other way. As we went to load the sleds Alice went to get the keys and wallet out of his coat and wouldn’t you know his wallet was missing. Already a little pissed we started roaming around looking for a camouflaged wallet in a whole crap load of snow. We eventually found it in a little crevasse of the sled we were working on. When it was all over we were just very thankful Speed Racer was okay. She was very soar and a little loopy, but other than her pride and a huge bruise on her butt cheek she was okay.

After a few beers and a shitty night sleep we got up and went for a ride. Speed Racer wasn’t feeling up to it, so Alice was left with us newbies. It was an absolutely beautiful day. We were riding on a huge trail that had been grated so it was nice and smooth. We were cruising along Alice led, The Misses followed, and I brought up the rear. No further than a half mile into this lovely ride, the trail made a slight left turn (I need to emphasize this is a beginners trail, it is made for a nice easy ride. The trail was probably 15 feet wide and well worn). I watched Alice make a nice easy turn and was watching The Misses. I believe she was thinking something like this, “Oh look at the pretty snow, the pretty mountains, I wonder how cold it is, squirrel….TREE!” At that slight turn, The Misses (Speed Racer II) ran through shoulder deep snow and straight into a tree. I pulled up next to her as she hopped out of the waist deep snow. “I’m okay” she shouted. My heart slowed a little, but then I saw the sled. It was bashed up. I trudged through the snow and the two of us tried to pull it backwards. I wanted to get it back on the trail before Alice came back. It took him ten minutes to get back and I had moved the sled 2 feet. He was glad she was okay and the two of us worked on getting it out of the snow. I’m still soar. I am glad he was there and knew what the hell he was doing. It still took us four tries to get it back on the trail. Alice was able to bungee cord the hood down so our day wasn’t lost. I asked Speed Racer II what happened and she said, “I looked up and there was a tree.” When I asked about the breaks she said something about not getting traction to turn so how would her breaks work? I think they didn’t even cross her mind. Again all I cared about was that she was okay. It was a pretty funny sight to see her flying off backwards in the snow.

With the bungee cord working we continued on, a little more slowly this time. About a half hour later I noticed the temperature gauge on my sled rising. I watched it for a minute before I decide to let Alice know. I didn’t know if the gauge rising was a problem or not but didn’t want to risk it. I flew past The Misses and caught up to Alice. We stopped and checked it out and there was a hole in one of the cooling lines. Our snowmobiling trip was finished. We attached my sled to Alice’s sled with more bungee cord and we made the long trip back with me riding along doing nothing but checking out the scenery. It was a nice trip back but I was glad when it was over. Not much fun in the back of another sled eating all the snow getting thrown on you.

Alice and I made the excuse that we were going to go see if we could find a part to fix the sled I was riding so we could go out the next day. We did go to one shop and ask if they had the part. We knew they probably wouldn’t, it was an old sled and a specific part. Mostly we wanted a cider. Last summer when The Misses and I were there we went to a brewery that had hard cider on tap. Once Alice new of this fact we were trying to find any excuse to get there for a sip or two. After three we decided to go back to the hotel. With the sled not working we booked a trip the next day to go through Yellowstone. Then it was time for dinner and wouldn’t you know we suggested the brewery. So back we went. The waitress had a hard time keeping a straight face. She had known what we were doing earlier. After two or three more ciders we might have let it slip what we had been up to earlier. The Misses knows me well, she knew the whole time, Speed Racer wasn’t too pleased. That night we ended up in the hot tub. It’s amazing how you get a little alcohol in someone and they get the idea it would be fun to go out in the snow for a while. I’m just glad it’s all a little hazy, unfortunately it is possible that Speed Racer got us back by video taping it.

The red sled picked us up at 9:00 the next morning. There was only one other couple in the 12 person snowmobile. It was a great experience. It was a little noisy in the back of the contraption. It reminded me of all the times I spent in the back of a Bradley Fighting Vehicle while I was in the Infantry. On our way in the park we didn’t see many animals. The views were great. Everything had frost on it. Each branch glistened in the sunlight. Yellowstone in the winter is nothing like it is in the summer. It’s much much better. There aren’t as many people (not even close), the animals are more active, and you have to enter the park with a guide. Lee was great, he wasn’t as good as Nino (our guide in the Vatican) but he had a lot of good info and let us dictate the pace. When the day started we thought of asking if we could cut the trip a little short because of the super bowl, once the day started we didn’t even worry about it.

A couple of side notes. First, if you have never been to Yellowstone in the winter, GO! Lee, our guide was saying that the rules which govern vehicles in the park during the winter may change after next year and they may not allow vehicles for several different factors in the near future. Second, pay attention to the trail/road while driving a snowmobile. Speed Racer and Speed Racer II are lucky something worse didn’t happen. Finally, stop in at the brewery and order a Hard Cider. There isn’t much better.

To Rich and Sarah, thanks for a great weekend and a great friendship. We are already looking forward to our next trip together.