What a crazy feeling. I have never felt anything like it. How can one be excited and totally bummed out all at the same time over the very same thing? Well that is how I feel about this mobilization. If you are a soldier you can understand what I am talking about. Excited to go to war, you ask? Yes, I know it sounds crazy but imagine going to college, getting a degree but then never working in your field of study. If you are a soldier and never deploy then it is just like that. That is the excited part that is. The bummed out part is all about leaving my family and mostly my husband. Man this sucks! When people ask me how I feel about going I say, “I don’t mind going, I just don’t want to leave.”
So here I am, day 7 at Fort Hunter Liggett, California; the start of my mobilization to Iraq. For those of you that don’t know Fort Hunter Liggett is an Army Reserve training base whose mission is getting Soldiers ready to deploy. It is located approximately 3 hours south of San Francisco. Now granted I am here for training prior to going overseas but they are getting us in the mind set as if we are already there. I am exhausted! They are keeping us soooo busy. I can honestly say this is some of the best training I have ever received in my military career. I left for California last Monday, August 3rd. It was a sad good bye to all of my family and friends but mostly to my dear husband. I never imagined how hard it would be. It is a good thing my mind is busy most of the time with all this training or I would be a wreck. I can’t imagine what he is going through because I miss him sooo much! We have mostly focused on weapons training this last week. Today however, I had the best and scariest weapons training I have ever had. We did what’s called reflexive fire. This is when someone calls “threat to the…” left, right, rear, etc and you have to react, with a loaded rifle, with people around you that also have loaded rifles. You turn in the direction they say, point at the target and fire. Can you say nervous? Hell Yes! Needless to say no one was hurt or injured and the training went off well. It was actually really great. What an adrenaline rush.
While The Mr. has been sitting at home figuring out how to deal, I also learned a very valuable lesson today. I will no longer talk to family, friends or have my phone with me on the range or before any specific type of mission while down range. (For those of you that don’t know, down range or in the sand box both mean: while in Iraq) The reason for this is I have to be able to keep my head focused on the task at hand and not worrying about what is going on at home. This will keep me safe so that I can come home. I say this because not exactly before but a little while before I was about to go out to the firing line to complete this reflexive fire training, I received a text from The Mr. telling me that he posted a new blog. I thought hey great, I have the internet on my phone I’ll check it out. Well I started reading his last posting titled “A blank screen“ and got to the line that said “this SUCKS!” oh man, I got all worked up I couldn’t finish it. Not then. The emotions of not being with him completely overwhelmed me almost to the point that I couldn’t think straight. That is not what you need when you are about to be swinging weapons around with live ammunition in them. I tell you all this story so that you know when I don’t call it’s not because I don’t love and miss you with all my heart it’s because I can’t due to training, my mission, or I just need to keep my head clear so I can come home to you. When I talk to you, it reminds me of how much I miss you and how much I would rather be at home. Don’t worry everyone, I will call. Just not during the previous mentioned times.I also learned something else about myself today I didn’t think I ever would have been able to do. Brace yourself because I am going to tell you something that might offend some of you, it’s not a political point of view it’s purely life or death choice. Since I joined the Army, they have been training me to kill. I have always wondered that when it came down to it, could I, would I do it? The answer is unfortunately yes. I hate the fact that it is. I can’t even begin to explain how much it sucks to think that I would. I am a nurse, I heal people not kill people. That is the way I have always felt about it but the Army trains you to do the opposite. When I began to read my husband’s blog just prior to my reflexive fire exercise and was reminded how much I love and miss him, I discovered that I will kill someone; if it is going to be one of us, it will be them and not me. I will come home to my husband so we can spend the rest of our lives together and raise a family. It’s harsh I know but going into a territory where it might happen, well I think I should know the answer so I don’t hesitate. Now don’t you worry, I know this is a serious subject but I really don’t think I will ever have to make that decision while I am over there. My job will be in a location that is pre-established and secured, well as best as it can be. But, there is a risk and it is an answer to a question I have always wondered.
Over all my training has been great thus far. Very thorough and actually quite fun. The weather is hot. Every day we work up a sweat and roll around in the dirt. Once you accept the fact that you will be carrying around at the very least 25 pounds of gear, getting dirty, hot and stinky, you just relax and have a good time with your friends as if you were not doing all that hard work. Speaking of friends. My closest friends here are an old friend CPT Jennifer Ysmael and my newest friend and battle buddy, SSG Adriana Galvan. So if you hear me talking about them, now you know. Jen might not be going with us to Iraq because she is currently an alternate; however the unit is working on changing that. For my sake, I hope they can add her to the list. As of right now I don’t know where I will end up. Even if I did know it would probably change 3 times before I got over there. Over the next year I will talk about what I do somewhat but I can’t be specific about locations and all my activities. The Army has rules about that kind of thing. Just know that I am thinking about you all and hope all is well. Take care and keep in touch. My personal email is gijenn8099@yahoo.com and my military email that you will for sure be able to reach me at is jennifer.taylor18@us.army.mil
2 comments:
GOD! DAMN! IT!
Both of you need to stop making me cry!
And by the by, Jenn, Boy thinks it's really weird that a girl would wear soldier clothes and carry a gun. He wants to know if it's a laser gun with lights, and if a jet pack comes standard issue with that there uniform.
Hey daughter, It was good to read that you are getting good training. It can make all of the difference. They are teaching based on real life previous experience of those who went before you. I am also glad you are going to keep your head in the game. Especially since this is not a GAME. :-) You are always in our thoughts and prayers.
Love Sir, LOL
Post a Comment