Some of you, I am sure have never had the privilege to experience the Army Piss Test (Drug Prevention Program).
Yesterday as I was going through yet another physical (this one is to determine if I am physically fit to stay in the military). I had the pleasure of peeing in a cup. Most of you are thinking whats the big deal? You take the cup, carefully aim and fill it up....... Not so easy when they have someone whom you have never met with the instruction to watch the stream exit the body and enter the cup. As I was standing there, shaking with all the pressure I could muster up. I thought back to Basic Training and what they taught to fire my weapon with deadly accuracy.
"Steady, Aim, Breath, Squeeze!" I can still hear the Drill Sergeant screaming in my ear. Never did I think that it could help in other matters.
Instead of a STEADY fighting position. It was time to take a deep breath and STEADY your nerves. Its never good to have a slight shake when you are trying to fill-up such a little cup.
Instead of getting a good sight picture while AIMing your weapon. It is very important to get a good AIM, lord knows you don't want any on your fingers.
BREATH. They teach you to control your breathing and fire when you are on that slight pause as you exhale. Here too, you need to BREATH. All the pushing in the world is not going to make a drop come out. You need to calm down and BREATH.
And hardest of all, SQUEEZE. Guys you know what I am talking about. There is nothing more painful then stopping in mid stream. But as with AIM you don't want any on your fingers.
I will have you all know, if you too follow these simple instruction. You could be an Expert at peeing in a cup like me.
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2 comments:
I had a friend in high school who had to endure court mandated drug tests under much the same conditions. She took great pleasure in peeing all over herself and the cup, and then proudly handing over the wet, dripping product to the sour faced inspector.
Don't be such a prude. Urine is sterile, you know!
So what did you fire, expert, sharpshooter, marksman, or did you bolo? I guess you should write a book called everything you need to succede in life, you learned in the army.
:-)
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