Letter from Iraq- 17 Oct, 08 Cont...

We did have some relax time too. We were able to take a 4 day pass and have our families come and visit. The Mr. talked about that so I’ll just elaborate a little. It was so great to see him! I hope nobody takes this the wrong way but I just don’t think most can begin to imagine what we are going through unless you have been separated by no choice of your own and are looking at that separation being a year long. You are both worried about each other’s health and safety both physically and emotionally. You’re not sure how often you’ll talk yet somehow you both will need constant reassurance things will be okay. This is the hardest thing I/we have ever had to deal with. I have no doubt this will make our marriage stronger. I am so lucky to have a partner that is not only willing but capable of doing all of this with me and supporting me as he does. I love him with all my heart and had a wonderful time with him. I am so glad we were able to see each other one last time. Not sure when exactly we will see each other again but I’m trying to arrange my 2 weeks of leave over our 2nd wedding anniversary.

So as much as we work hard, we play hard. I really think the Soldier’s I’m deploying with are a great group of people. Sure you have your friends and there are some you like and can tolerate more than others but as a Unit, we are strong. I believe we would do anything for the other to all come home safe. I’m proud to be going with this group of Soldiers and friends. Here are some pictures of our down time together.

“Out to lunch” wearing a mullet wig!

Recall Formation in “any uniform!”

Yep, Soldiers acting silly is a favorite past time around here. I think its how we deal with the stress. From left to right in the group photo is SPC Lawrence Luongo, 1SG Jason Biermann (in uniform), SSG Bryan Kaplan, and SFC Andrew Cole.

My personal favorite way to pass the time is with all the girls in the barracks for “Movie Night” I don’t have pictures of this, but one night there must have been 10 girls crowded on 2 mattresses on the floor around a lap top eating pizza and drinking wine. It was a good time. I think we watched 3 movies, all chick flick comedies of course.

Me and SGT Takanikoscorti

My battle couldn’t hang any more

SSG Adriana Galvan (aka battle), Me, SGT Veronica Badillo

I’m laughing because one of them (I can’t remember which one) said hey we look like an Oreo cookie. “Brown on the outside and white in the middle.” It just came off so funny to me, and I might have had a nice little wine buzz by that point.

Well I hope I have caught you all up and that you can see I’m doing ok. I really am. I am so blessed to have so many that care about me both near and far. The next time you hear from me I’ll be in the Middle East. I love you Sweetie more than words can express. I’ll talk to you again real soon.
Love, The Misses

Three Great Days-

Friday was one of the most emotional days I have had in a very long time. As I sat holding The Misses hand in front of the security point at Seattle’s Airport, I couldn’t wrap my head around just how long she would be gone. It was as if a large weight was pressing down on my chest, and there was nothing I could think of other then this is it, I wont see her again for 9 long damn months. Finally I couldn’t take it any more. We could have sat for another 30 minutes, but I had to get the goodbye over with. As we stood there holding each other, expressing our love for each other the time had finally come. We were at a point in the airport where she could go one way to the rental car and I would go another through security. We both watched each other as we both disappeare. I kept looking back hoping she would come back, but I knew she was having to hard of a time to sneak one last kiss. As I sat staring into nothing waiting to board the plane I thought back to the last two great days.

I flew into Seattle on Wednesday. The Misses had a 4 day pass and we couldn’t pass up the chance to spend a few last days together before she flew to Kuwait. As I saw her walking towards me at the baggage claim joy filled my heart. We hugged and kissed each other as if we had been apart for a year. We had a few hours so we went back to the barracks where she was staying so she could grab her things. It was so hard for me to be there with all the Soldiers realizing what I was going to be missing out on, but that is a story for another day.

The Misses had made plans for lunch with one of my Soldiers from my deployment to Landstuhl. SPC Shatzi (obviously her name has been changed) was a great Soldier. She had a knack for getting things done that most said they couldn’t. I really enjoyed being her Non Commissioned Officer (NCO). It was really good to see her and her 2 kids and catch up and remember the good times. It really made feel good when she had told her husband that she “was having lunch with her NCO.” It makes me feel like I might have left my mark on a great Soldier.

The Misses had made reservations for us to stay at a cute little cabin that sat next to a huge lake. It was perfect. That night as we lay holding each other on the sofa we fell asleep. It felt so good to have her back in my arms. She finally woke me up and we went to bed. As I got up through the night to use the bathroom it was so great to cuddle back up to her when I came back to bed.

-View From Our Front Porch-

We slept in late Thursday. We had nothing planned but to be with each other. We plugged in the computer and watched Grumpy and Grumpier Old Men. It was so nice not having anything to do. We got cleaned up and went to dinner. Then it was back to the cabin for “Champagne Thursday”. Okay so we stole it from a move, but it has been a lot of fun and I will miss our weekly toast. The Misses had made a “Missing You” playlist on her computer so we danced, cried, drank, and held each other till it was time for bed. I couldn’t imagine a better day.

- Champagne Thursday-

Friday we went into Seattle and had lunch on top of the Space Needle. We took our time, even though we both had lost our appetite. We were to upset about what we were about to do. Not much was said on our way to the airport, I wish it could have taken a lot longer. I wasn’t ready to leave her.

-Atop the Space Needle-

It was a great trip. One good thing that has come from all this is how close it has brought us. I feel so close to her, even though we are so far apart. It is going to be a long year. I can’t wait for her 2 weeks off over our anniversary. I can imagine the week we spend on a warm beach somewhere is going to be as good as those three days.

400 Days

God it was hard watching The Misses walk out the door all dressed up as a Soldier. Today starts the 400 day clock. I definitely will not be counting down the days and really don't want to know right now what day is 400 away. It is just to long of time to think about.

For the past 7 days The Misses has been home. I would love to say it has been nothing but loving bliss. Unfortunately this coming Tuesday (the day she gets on a plane and leaves) has been hanging over our heads. Don't get me wrong I will cherish every second while she is here. I just hate saying good bye, which I had already done once and now I/ we have to go through it again.

Its hard to imagine that our love could grow any more through our time apart, but it has and will continue. When I was in my late Teens and early Twenties jealousy consumed my thoughts. I know without a doubt it ruined more then one relationship. The Misses some how, probably by convincing me all the time of her love had never seen this dark side of me. As big of a flirt that she is, I never questioned her commitment to me. I thought these thoughts were gone for good. It is probably the stress of everything but it did show its ugly head. I was jealous over what should have been nothing, but it consumed me. I think the greatest part of our relationship is our ability to talk things through. Okay, so its probably The Misses ability to talk and my ability to listen first and then talk later. Going through this situation I realised once again I have nothing to worry about. I love her and she loves me. We did see that communicating is going to be the key to this situation. The great thing about this is the easiest way for me to communicate my feelings is though writing, and the best thing for a Soldier so far away from home is mail. Nothing lifts your spirits more, then when you go to the mailbox and a letter is there waiting for you.

Now that situation is over I can go back to worrying about the far more important issue at hand. The Misses safety. I take great comfort in the fact she wont be out driving around on the hellish roads in Iraq. No matter where she is in the compound, she will have armed Military Police watching over the prisoners every move. She does have a good leader in her First Sergeant that I know will take care of her needs while she is there. There is some jealousy when it comes to the fact she is going to be doing what I love and that's taking care of and leading Soldiers. I really wish I could be there with her, but my job is being here and taking care of things at home.

Please keep her in your thoughts and if you want to do something for her write a letter and let her know you are thinking of her.

Letter from Iraq- 28 Aug, 08

Thursday, 14 Aug 2008

And so the training continues… today we did vehicle rollover training. Yes we did roll a vehicle. Well, not really. It was the body of an armored vehicle put onto a lift that simulates the roll over. Even though it’s a very slow roll I kinked my neck so bad. I forgot to tuck my chin. I can’t imagine what would have happened if we were going 50 miles an hour. Basically they roll the vehicle 180 degrees and then you have to get out while the vehicle is upside down. I wish you could see inside so you would know how tight of a fit it is and feel how heavy each door is, each one weighs approximately 400 lbs. It’s easy to get disoriented as to which way is which when your upside down, let alone opening that door from an awkward position. All I can say after this experience is wear your seat belt! I now know why people break their back and or neck in a car accident. Ouch!

Right Side Up

Upside Down

For the last couple of days we have been learning about the Army’s different weapon systems. I won’t give you all the names but basically we got to shoot big ass guns! From hand guns, to large ones you place on top of vehicles, to grenade launchers. To my nephew in Norway: yes they have lasers on them, red ones! A lot of fun I tell you. The Army is starting to train all deploying Soldiers on these weapons. Even if you don’t use it every day, if and when there comes a time you need to, you know how to operate it. As a medic, I can use any weapon necessary to defend and protect myself and my patients. So, if my gunner gets hurt in transport I can use his weapon to protect us both. Right now it is just good fun. Hopefully I will never have to actually use one.

Chelsea Kluge, Jennifer Ysmael, Jennifer Taylor, Adriana Galvan

Quit Your Bitchin

I realised Monday as I was dragged kicking and screaming off my sofa to go to a concert. I complain entirely too much about my pooping problems. I am sure everyone that has hung out with me in the past year and a half is sick and tired of listening to me complain. Nobody cares how disgusting of an animal us men are. I mean seriously how hard is it to go into a stall and lift the toilet seat up with their foot and pee in a bowl. Unfortunately if it was just a little pee I could probably deal with it, it everything else that ends up all over the place. Good God!

Enough is enough. As I laid curled up in the fetal position trying with all my might not to relax a certain circular muscle in fear I would have defiled The Best Friends back seat, I realised just how big of a deal I made it. For those of you that had to listen to me moan and grown I am sorry. If it was just that one time it would probably be okay, but it is every time I go out. So I'm done.

The next time I am sitting in a parking lot waiting for 20,000 cars to move so I could get to a nice, clean, and private porcelain toilet you wont here a peep. I wont mention a thing as I finally get out of the car because my bladder was about to explode, and walked over to a van full of people and politely asked "Do you mind if I piss behind your van?" Not caring that the road everyone was exiting on was on the other side of the van. I then realised just how few times I have tried to stand and pee (which I have done maybe 10 times in the last year) and try not to relax previously said muscle. Not a word will escape my lips.

I now have something to work on while The Misses is gone. Thank you to all my friends that have got me off this damn sofa. I truly appreciate it and look forward to doing it again. Misses I miss you very much and nobody has heard me bitch and moan more. This will be more of a blessing to you then anyone else.

P.S. I Love you Sweety

Letter from Iraq- 10 Aug 08

Excited and Bummed - Sunday, 10 August 2008

What a crazy feeling. I have never felt anything like it. How can one be excited and totally bummed out all at the same time over the very same thing? Well that is how I feel about this mobilization. If you are a soldier you can understand what I am talking about. Excited to go to war, you ask? Yes, I know it sounds crazy but imagine going to college, getting a degree but then never working in your field of study. If you are a soldier and never deploy then it is just like that. That is the excited part that is. The bummed out part is all about leaving my family and mostly my husband. Man this sucks! When people ask me how I feel about going I say, “I don’t mind going, I just don’t want to leave.”
So here I am, day 7 at Fort Hunter Liggett, California; the start of my mobilization to Iraq. For those of you that don’t know Fort Hunter Liggett is an Army Reserve training base whose mission is getting Soldiers ready to deploy. It is located approximately 3 hours south of San Francisco. Now granted I am here for training prior to going overseas but they are getting us in the mind set as if we are already there. I am exhausted! They are keeping us soooo busy. I can honestly say this is some of the best training I have ever received in my military career. I left for California last Monday, August 3rd. It was a sad good bye to all of my family and friends but mostly to my dear husband. I never imagined how hard it would be. It is a good thing my mind is busy most of the time with all this training or I would be a wreck. I can’t imagine what he is going through because I miss him sooo much! We have mostly focused on weapons training this last week. Today however, I had the best and scariest weapons training I have ever had. We did what’s called reflexive fire. This is when someone calls “threat to the…” left, right, rear, etc and you have to react, with a loaded rifle, with people around you that also have loaded rifles. You turn in the direction they say, point at the target and fire. Can you say nervous? Hell Yes! Needless to say no one was hurt or injured and the training went off well. It was actually really great. What an adrenaline rush.
While The Mr. has been sitting at home figuring out how to deal, I also learned a very valuable lesson today. I will no longer talk to family, friends or have my phone with me on the range or before any specific type of mission while down range. (For those of you that don’t know, down range or in the sand box both mean: while in Iraq) The reason for this is I have to be able to keep my head focused on the task at hand and not worrying about what is going on at home. This will keep me safe so that I can come home. I say this because not exactly before but a little while before I was about to go out to the firing line to complete this reflexive fire training, I received a text from The Mr. telling me that he posted a new blog. I thought hey great, I have the internet on my phone I’ll check it out. Well I started reading his last posting titled “A blank screen“ and got to the line that said “this SUCKS!” oh man, I got all worked up I couldn’t finish it. Not then. The emotions of not being with him completely overwhelmed me almost to the point that I couldn’t think straight. That is not what you need when you are about to be swinging weapons around with live ammunition in them. I tell you all this story so that you know when I don’t call it’s not because I don’t love and miss you with all my heart it’s because I can’t due to training, my mission, or I just need to keep my head clear so I can come home to you. When I talk to you, it reminds me of how much I miss you and how much I would rather be at home. Don’t worry everyone, I will call. Just not during the previous mentioned times.

I also learned something else about myself today I didn’t think I ever would have been able to do. Brace yourself because I am going to tell you something that might offend some of you, it’s not a political point of view it’s purely life or death choice. Since I joined the Army, they have been training me to kill. I have always wondered that when it came down to it, could I, would I do it? The answer is unfortunately yes. I hate the fact that it is. I can’t even begin to explain how much it sucks to think that I would. I am a nurse, I heal people not kill people. That is the way I have always felt about it but the Army trains you to do the opposite. When I began to read my husband’s blog just prior to my reflexive fire exercise and was reminded how much I love and miss him, I discovered that I will kill someone; if it is going to be one of us, it will be them and not me. I will come home to my husband so we can spend the rest of our lives together and raise a family. It’s harsh I know but going into a territory where it might happen, well I think I should know the answer so I don’t hesitate. Now don’t you worry, I know this is a serious subject but I really don’t think I will ever have to make that decision while I am over there. My job will be in a location that is pre-established and secured, well as best as it can be. But, there is a risk and it is an answer to a question I have always wondered.
Over all my training has been great thus far. Very thorough and actually quite fun. The weather is hot. Every day we work up a sweat and roll around in the dirt. Once you accept the fact that you will be carrying around at the very least 25 pounds of gear, getting dirty, hot and stinky, you just relax and have a good time with your friends as if you were not doing all that hard work. Speaking of friends. My closest friends here are an old friend CPT Jennifer Ysmael and my newest friend and battle buddy, SSG Adriana Galvan. So if you hear me talking about them, now you know. Jen might not be going with us to Iraq because she is currently an alternate; however the unit is working on changing that. For my sake, I hope they can add her to the list. As of right now I don’t know where I will end up. Even if I did know it would probably change 3 times before I got over there. Over the next year I will talk about what I do somewhat but I can’t be specific about locations and all my activities. The Army has rules about that kind of thing. Just know that I am thinking about you all and hope all is well. Take care and keep in touch. My personal email is gijenn8099@yahoo.com and my military email that you will for sure be able to reach me at is jennifer.taylor18@us.army.mil

A Blank Screen

I'm not one for wearing my emotion on my sleeve. The Misses left Monday, and I've been sitting here staring at this blank page for 6 days trying to decide what to say. I never understood just how hard it is on family members when a Soldier leaves for a deployment. Now that I'm on the other side I can tell you it SUCKS! My life is on hold. The Misses is currently in California for 6 weeks of training. She has mentioned that it has been hard being away from us, but they have kept her very busy training which helps to keep her distracted. She is also around several new and old friends to keep her busy. Me I have the Olympics and Jeter. Okay I know all my family and friends are here for me. It's just weird calling them and not feeling like a charity case. In the mean time I am hoping for a week together between training and Mobilizing in mid-September. This is the plan for now, but it's the military so you really never know.

I have several things on my "Honey Do List" (okay, so it's not so much The Misses Honey Do List as much as it's my To Do List) which will keep me busy while she is gone. This week I have found it is very hard just to get my ass off the sofa. I'm just in a bit of a funk. This coming week I will start putting things in place to keep me busy and my mind off of things.

Soon you will be able to read a new feature of my blog. The Misses will be sending me journal entries, to keep you up to date and informed on what she is up to and all the fun experience she is having. We figured it would just be easier for her to send me a Word document and I'll past it, just in case she can't access a blog site. The military is always changing what they can and can't access. So look forward to that.

Water Polo just came on. Now not only am I missing my wife I'm also missing all the good times in the pool. Maybe it's something else I can do to keep me busy.

P.S. The Misses and I are trying to figure out ways to keep us close while we are apart. If anyone has any ideas, we would love to hear them.